The most terrifying question
Answer This Single Question To Stop Hiding Behind “Someday” And Get What You Actually Want
Ever notice how “life coaches” and “motivation gurus” love complicating simple things?
They’ll charge you thousands to “unlock your potential” with their 12-step systems and fancy frameworks… while completely missing the one question that actually matters.
(And no, it’s not “what’s your why?” or whatever pseudospiritual nonsense they’re pushing on Instagram this week.)
I was knee-deep in a client project when my husband burst into our with the kind of excitement that immediately commands attention.
(This wasn’t the exact moment but this was his level of pure, adulterated excitement…you get the idea.)
“I think I figured out the scariest question of all time,” he announced.
My fingers froze on my laptop. The look on his face told me he’d stumbled onto something big. And when he gets that look, it’s always worth listening.
“The scariest question?” I replied, my curiosity officially piqued.
“Yes,” he nodded. “It can paralyze you, send you into an existential crisis and even spiral you into depression – if you actually answer it honestly.”
At this point, my mind was racing through possibilities. World-ending scenarios. Philosophical paradoxes. The meaning of life.
“You ready for the question?” he asked, practically buzzing.
“Yes!” I begged.
He paused for dramatic effect, then dropped the bomb:
“What do you want?”
I blinked. “What?”
“What do you want?” he repeated. “That’s the question.”
“Think about it,” he said. “If you truly answer that question, you’re admitting something is missing in your life. Something that, according to your values and desires, should be there but isn’t.”
The more he spoke, the more the weight of it sank in.
“That’s the first terrifying part,” he continued, “waking up from the comfortable numbness of our daily routines and facing our own dissatisfaction. It is scary to admit you’re not where you want to be.”
“But here’s the second part,” he said, leaning against my desk. “Once you answer the terrifying question and see that gap between where you are and where you want to be, you’re then faced with a terrifying choice: Will you do something about it, or won’t you?”
“If you choose no, you’re staring down a life-long tunnel of consciously choosing to live beneath the standards you have for yourself – thus, terrifying.”
“And if you choose yes, you’re looking at sacrifices, changes, hard conversations, and painful actions to pry yourself off your current path and onto a new one – also terrifying.”
“Thus, it is the scariest question. And yet…,” he concluded, “it may be the most important question we can answer.”
When he left the room, I couldn’t stop thinking about everything he had said.
I started running through examples, and that’s when it really hit me.
- Want those six-pack abs everyone’s posting about? Cool. Say goodbye to pizza nights, happy hours, and using food as your emotional support.
- Want to make seven figures? Awesome. Hope you’re ready to quit that cushy 9-5 and start a business that’ll make you question your sanity on a daily basis.
- Want that “perfect relationship” everyone talks about? Time to have those uncomfortable conversations you’ve been avoiding since… forever.
Everything you want that you don’t currently have requires sacrifices to acquire it. And sometimes those sacrifices are so unappealing that they make us question whether we wanted the original thing in the first place.
This is why most people treat the question, “What do you want?” like it’s a coffee order.
They blurt out the first thing that comes to mind (usually something they saw on Instagram) without doing the actual work of figuring out if they really want it.
It’s like swiping right on someone and planning the wedding before you’ve even met them!
But here’s the truth: there’s an art to answering “What do you want?” in a way that actually leads to getting what you want – instead of just another round of failed New Year’s resolutions.
It requires a level of self-honesty that most “personal development” completely misses.
You need to date your desires. Take them out to dinner. See how they feel in different seasons of your life. Because sometimes what you think you want is just society’s expectations wearing a fancy disguise.
And once you actually answer this question – I mean really answer it – you’ll never be able to go back to pretending.
That’s the real reason it’s so terrifying.
Because once you know what you want, you can’t hide behind “someday” anymore.
You can’t keep telling yourself that story about how “now isn’t the right time.”
You have to either step up to what you want or admit you’re choosing a life not up to your standards.
Gulp.
Listen up —
If you’re ready to stop treating the most important question of your life like a fast food order, I’m going to show you exactly how to answer this question right.
No BS frameworks. No weird rituals.
Just a step-by-step process for getting brutally honest about what you want – and what you’re willing to do about it.
You ready?
LESGO.
Who this Mini Book is for
Let’s get one thing straight: this book isn’t for everyone.
If you’re just here to “manifest your dream life” by visualizing harder… put this book down now and go back to scrolling Instagram.
But if you’ve ever:
- Spent hours consuming self-help content only to get you nowhere
- Wanted to punch the next person who told you to “just think positive”
- Felt like you’re drowning in good advice but can’t seem to make anything actually happen
- Watched some smug entrepreneur post about their “grindset” while you quietly questioned your own sanity
- Told yourself, “I’ll get to it someday,” knowing dang well you won’t
…then you’re in the right place.
Most self-help is a scam.
They overcomplicate simple stuff, slap a trademark on it, and charge you $1,997 for access to secrets that aren’t even secret.
This book? This is the unfiltered version.
No jargon. No fluff. Just a direct line to figuring out what you actually want (instead of parroting what you think you should want) and deciding if you’ve got the guts to go after it.
Fair warning: this is going to sting.
But hey, the truth always does.
Why you should listen to me
My name is Kathryn Jones Lish.
I’ve spoken at Funnel Hacking Live for the third and fourth time, sold CF Design School to ClickFunnels (and became the new face of their Funnel Building coaching and certification program), became business partners with my husband and worked with Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi on partnerships for their last launch. And, that’s all just within the last year.
I know how to decide what I want and figure out how to get it.
And, it all starts with answering the terrifying question, “What do you want?”
Let’s see what this next year brings for you.
What you’ll find in this Mini Book
Here’s what you’ll find in this Mini Book:
▷Chapter 1: The day a 9-figure CEO called me out
▷Chapter 2: The AWAKE Matrix
▷Chapter 3: The audit
▷Chapter 4: Nice vs. kind
▷Chapter 5: Figure out what you want
▷Chapter 6: Game plan city
▷Chapter 7: Label your starting points
▷Chapter 8: Get what you want
Chapter 1: The day a 9-figure CEO called me out (and would call you out, too)
You know what’s sadder than people avoiding the “What do you want?” question?
People who actually know what they want… but convince themselves they’re not capable of getting it.
(Let’s be real: They’re lying to themselves too.)
It was 2012 in Los Angeles. I was serving as a missionary – one of the most transformative experiences of my life. We taught, we served and my life was changed forever.
I’d been there for about a year when a new mission president arrived (the man who coordinates the efforts of about 200-300 missionaries in the area).
His name is David Weidman. Former CEO of a chemical company, net worth that would make your eyes water, the kind of guy whose salary you can Google.
(Go ahead, I’ll wait…)
But here’s where it gets interesting.
This corporate heavyweight sits me down, pulls out a notebook, and says:
“You’ve got a year of experience on me here. What needs to change?”
I was floored by his humility. Here was one of the most successful executives in America, genuinely asking for my perspective.
I launched into my laundry list of ideas. The meetings were inefficient. The Visitor Center was living beneath its potential. The car scheduling system was prehistoric.
He wrote it all down. Nodded along. Asked for more.
I remember feeling so grateful he was listening to me.
“Finally!” I thought. “Someone is going to take care of all of this!”
And then…
He ripped out the page, slid it across the table, and said: “Great. You’re going to fix it.”
I was flabbergasted.
Once I could speak, I started sputtering out the usual excuses:
- “But that’s not how things are done…”
- “But the system comes from headquarters…”
- “But I’m just a…”
Sound familiar?
Here’s what this millionaire CEO understood that most “empowerment coaches” still don’t get:
The only thing stopping most people from making massive changes isn’t their capability – it’s their permission.
We don’t need another course on “how to be confident.”
We need someone to rip the page out of their notebook and slide it across the table.
Because here’s the truth about that “What do you want?” question we talked about earlier:
Once you answer it honestly, you’re going to realize something that’ll shake you to your core…
You’re probably already capable of making it happen.
You just haven’t given yourself permission.
And that’s the real reason we avoid the question.
Because deep down, we know that the moment we admit what we want, we’ll also have to admit that we’re choosing not to pursue it.
Not because we can’t.
But because we’re waiting for someone else to give us permission.
And that’s almost more demoralizing than anything: we let other people determine what our life turns into.
Brutal.
So here’s my question for you:
What page with written-out changes to be made needs to be ripped out and slid across your table today?
What goals are you pretending you’re not “allowed” to pursue?
The permission you’re waiting for?
It’s already yours.
You just have to stop pretending it isn’t.
Chapter 2: The AWAKE Matrix
Here’s the truth that changes everything: The version of you that can accomplish everything you want? They already exist.
They’re just waiting for you to wake up.
But waking up isn’t as simple as opening your eyes. You need a map to navigate from where you are to where you want to be.
That’s why we’re going to talk about The AWAKE Matrix.
Because sometimes you need a map to figure out where you’re lost. Even if the territory feels familiar. And let’s be honest – you’re probably more lost than you’d like to admit. We all are. Walking around in a comfortable haze of “someday” and “maybe” and “when the time is right.”
So I’m going to give you The AWAKE Matrix to change how you see everything.
Going along the bottom: AWAKE.
A-W-A-K-E
Yeah, it’s an acronym. Yeah, that’s a little cheesy. But get over it – it’ll help you actually use the Matrix.
A is for Awareness: This is you, stripped bare.
Your actual beliefs (not the ones you post about), your real feelings (not the ones you show), and your honest view of your future (not your Instagram captions). This is about getting brutally honest about what you believe is possible for you – and what’s holding you back.
You know that voice in your head that says “you’re not ready” or “who do you think you are”? That’s what we’re dealing with here. The real stuff. The raw stuff. The stuff that keeps you up at night at 3 AM.
W is for Worship: This is your connection to a higher source.
Before you close this book – this isn’t some religious pitch. This isn’t about converting you or selling you on something. This is about your connection to whatever’s bigger than you. God, universe, nature, whatever floats your spiritual boat.
What matters is getting clear on what guides you when crap hits the fan. Because, as you know – crap does, in fact, hit the fan. And “positive vibes only” won’t cut it when it does.
A is for Athlete: This is your body.
Your body is the only vehicle you get for this ride called life. And if you’re not treating it like an athlete’s tool, you’re playing life on hard mode for no reason.
This isn’t about six-pack abs or running marathons (unless that’s your thing). It’s about having the energy and vitality to actually do the things you say you want to do. Because all the motivation in the world won’t help if you’re running on energy drinks and three hours of sleep.
K is for Kin: This is your relationships.
Partner, parent, friend – how you show up when other humans are involved. And let’s be honest, this is where most of us are still sleeping.
You want to know who you really are? Look at how you treat people when you’re stressed, tired, or things aren’t going your way. That’s the real you. Not the carefully curated version you show at dinner parties.
E is for Enterprise: This is your work.
Your impact. Your work. Your mark on the world. The CEO version of you that knows how to make things happen.
And no, this isn’t just about your job or your business. This is about how you create value in the world. How you solve problems. How you contribute something meaningful instead of just consuming and complaining.
Awareness, Worship, Athlete, Kin and Enterprise.
These are the components that make up you.
And our goal is activate each one to help you get what you want.
But here’s where things get interesting…
Let me introduce you to the second portion of the Matrix: The Five Stages To Alive.
Let’s break it down:
STAGE 1
Stage 1 is when you’re ASLEEP.
This is unconscious incompetence. You don’t even know what you don’t know.
STAGE 2
Stage 2 is when you’re AWARE.
This is conscious incompetence.
You can see what you want but haven’t moved toward it yet.
STAGE 3
Stage 3 is when you’re ACTIVE.
This is conscious competence.
You’re actively moving toward getting what you want.
STAGE 4
Stage 4 is when you’re ABLAZE.
This is expanded competence.
You’re starting to achieve / acquire what you want.
STAGE 5
Stage 5 is when you’re ALIVE.
This is unconscious excellence.
You’ve not only achieved what you want but you’ve experienced lasting change; this area of your life is locked in and automatic.
As you start waking up each area of your life — Awareness, Worship, Athlete, Kin and Enterprise — from ASLEEP to ALIVE, you’ll not only get what you want but you’ll become the truest, best version of yourself.
Like building a fire
I like to think about these Five Steps To Alive like a fire.
STAGE 1: ASLEEP
This is when there’s no fire at all.
STAGE 2: AWARE
This is when you decide what kind of fire to build — you have a plan! No fire built yet, but you know what you’re going after.
STAGE 3: ACTIVE
This is when you gather supplies and start a flame.
STAGE 4: ABLAZE
This is when the fire gets going.
STAGE 5: ALIVE
This is when the fire is raging and it’s very easy to maintain the fire through the night, never to die out!
You can’t skip stages
The key insight with this fire analogy? You can’t skip stages.
Just like you can’t have a roaring fire without first gathering wood and starting a spark, you can’t jump straight to ALIVE without going through the earlier stages.
This is why most people fail at change. They try to jump straight to the end without honoring the process.
- They want the six-pack abs without first waking up to their relationship with food.
- They want the seven-figure business without first becoming aware of their money stories.
- They want the perfect relationship without first seeing their patterns clearly.
But, once you understand these stages, you can work with them instead of against them.
My ice addition
Let me tell you a simple story that shows you how this works.
Back in college, I developed what I thought was just a weird ice addiction. I’m talking sitting-in-the-food-court-all-night-because-it-was-the-only-place-with-an-ice-machine level addiction.
ASLEEP
What I didn’t realize was that I was anemic. My body was literally starving for iron, and I was so disconnected from myself that I couldn’t even recognize what was happening.
That’s what being ASLEEP looks like. You don’t even know what you don’t know.
AWARE
Then I started noticing patterns. The ice craving. The exhaustion. The way I had to organize my entire life around having access to ice.
That’s when I became AWARE to my reality. I could see the problem, even if I didn’t know how to fix it yet.
ACTIVE
Next came the stage where I actually started dealing with the root cause – my terrible eating habits and iron deficiency. I got real about my nutrition, started taking supplements, began paying attention to my body’s signals.
That’s the ACTIVE stage – where you not only see the truth but start building the systems and habits to address it.
ABLAZE
Then I started expanding beyond just fixing the problem. I began optimizing my entire health approach. This wasn’t just about not being anemic anymore – this was about thriving.
That’s the ABLAZE stage – where you take what you’ve learned and push beyond your previous limitations.
ALIVE
Finally, I locked in these new patterns. They became my new normal. My new baseline.
That’s the ALIVE stage – where your growth becomes permanent and forms the foundation for your next evolution.
Here’s what’s wild: This same pattern happens in every area of life.
I’m not anxious, you’re anxious
Take relationships.
ASLEEP
I used to think I was totally secure in my attachment style. (Spoiler alert: I wasn’t.)
I was ASLEEP to my anxiety patterns. Didn’t even know they existed.
AWARE
Then someone kindly ointed out that normal people don’t immediately assume someone hates them or died just because they didn’t text back. That was my AWARE moment.
ACTIVE
Getting real about my anxious attachment and actually working with a therapist? That was my ACTIVE stage.
ABLAZE
Learning to build healthy relationships from this new awareness? ABLAZE.
ALIVE
And now? Those insights are just part of who I am. They’re ALIVE in me, forming the base for even deeper relationship growth.
This is how real transformation works. Not through some magic “morning routine” or “success hack,” but through a natural progression of expansion.
Now, here’s the thing a lot of people miss: you can be in different stages in different areas at the same time.
You might be ABLAZE in your Enterprise but ASLEEP in your Worship.
ACTIVE in your Anatomy but AWARE in your Kin.
ALIVE in your Awareness but ASLEEP in your Impact.
The ultimate goal
Now, the goal is to be ALIVE in all five categories of A-W-A-K-E. But, we evolve and grow, ceilings keep raising. So, you’re actually on track if there’s at least one area of your life is not ALIVE. We should always be changing and adapting.
I hate that this swears (so please forgive the explicatives), but this Instagram post sums this point up perfectly.
This Matrix isn’t a magic formula. It’s a mirror.
And yes, sometimes it shows us things we’d rather not see. Like that relationship we’re clinging to because we’re afraid to be alone. Or that business we’re staying in because we’re too scared to start what we really want to do.
But remember the the truth that changes everything: The version of you that can accomplish everything you want already exists.
They’re just waiting for you to wake them up.
Chapter 3: Figure out what you want
Let’s say you’re really ready to tackle the question, “What do you want?”
You’re ready to move on whatever the answer is.
But, sometimes figuring out the actual thing is an entire challenge in and of itself.
Because if you haven’t thought about it, it’s almost as if you want everything and nothing!
“Do you want a new car?”
Well, I hadn’t thought about it but sure!
“What about running a marathon.”
Dang, that would be cool…
“Want to retire in France?”
Wait, that’s a great idea!
You see what I mean?
If you’re not certain what you want, then everything sounds good, resulting in you going with a tide that, though alluring at the beginning, isn’t actually what you want.
Take retiring in France.
Yes, that was a very sexy and romantic idea when you first heard it.
But, do you want to be so far from your grandchildren?
Do you want to live in a country where they speak a different language?
Do you want to be in a different time zone from all your friends and family?
You need to really consider what you actually want so that you can throw everything you have and are into getting it. No reservations.
But, you can only do that if you’re 100% certain on the destination you’re going.
So, I want you to decide: What do you want?
- What do you want when it comes to your Awareness AKA your foundational beliefs and feelings?
- What do you want with your Worship AKA your connection to a higher power?
- What do you want as an Athlete AKA your physical wellbeing?
- What do you want with your Kin AKA your relationships?
- What do you want with your Enterprise AKA your impact and work?
I’ve found that the best way to get clear on what you want in each of these different areas is to actually get clear on what the current status of your life is in each of those areas, and then how you feel about it.
For example, let’s say you’re analyzing the Athlete section.
Say you’re in solid shape and feel really good about the routine you’ve established. At that point, you’d know that you probably don’t want to run a marathon. You like what you’ve got.
But, it you answered that you’re not in good shape and you hate that you don’t feel at home in your body, then you know the direction you want to go.
So, to help you get clear on what you want, we need to follow this process:
- Audit your life as it currently is
- Determine how you feel about it
- Determine what your life would need to look like for you to be happy and content
And bam! With that, you have figured out WHAT YOU WANT.
So, without further ado, let’s get into.
Audit + feelings
We’re going to do Step 1 and Step 2 simultaneously.
So, in each area of your life, we’ll answer questions to audit where you’re currently at and then immediately determine how you feel about tit.
Each of the A-W-A-K-E sections will have multiple questions to have you answer. I’m going to walk you through every single one and show you want real answer look like (not the sanitized fluff you’ll be tempted to write) and help you see what honestly actually looks like.
Remember: the goal isn’t to feel goal. The goal is to get real…so you can start working toward getting what you want!
Alright, let’s get started.
AWARENESS
Let’s start with the foundation of everything – you, stripped bare.
My suggestion is to take a notebook and answer each question with a table: Column 1 is your real answer and Column 2 is how you feel about your answer.
❓QUESTION 1: Who are you?
Let’s examine the FOUNDATION of your life.
The answer to this question will reveal your true inner self, beyond what you show to others in daily life.
Surface answer: “I’m a hardworking professional trying my best.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I’m a chronic people-pleaser who’s terrified of confrontation” “I’m someone who had big dreams but settled for security” “I’m smart but lazy, and I use my intelligence to get by with minimal effort” | “I’m exhausted from constantly managing everyone else’s emotions” “I feel like I betrayed my younger self” “I’m ashamed that I’m wasting my potential” |
❓QUESTION 2: How do you feel about yourself right now?
Let’s examine the FEELINGS of your life.
The answer to this question will reveal your honest feelings about yourself in this moment.
Surface answer: “I have good days and bad days.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I hate looking in mirrors because I don’t recognize who I’ve become” “I feel like an impostor in my own life” “I constantly compare myself to others and always feel like I’m falling short” | “I’m angry that I let myself get to this point” “I’m terrified someone will figure out I don’t know what I’m doing” “I feel trapped in a cycle of self-doubt” |
❓QUESTION 3: How hopeful are you about becoming the best version of yourself?
Let’s examine the FUTURE of your life.
The answer to this question will reveal whether you truly believe you can change and improve.
Surface answer: “I’m optimistic about the future.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I don’t even know who my ‘true self’ is anymore” “I’m scared it’s too late to change” “I believe I could do it but I’m too comfortable to try” | “The uncertainty paralyzes me” “I’m furious at myself for wasting so much time” “I feel a mix of hope and dread” |
❓QUESTION 4: How free or in control do you feel to become the best version of yourself?
Let’s examine the FREEDOM of your life.
The answer to this question will reveal what obstacles you think are stopping you from changing.
Surface answer: “I have some constraints but I’m working on it.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I feel trapped by my mortgage and golden handcuffs” “I’ve built a life that looks perfect but feels like a prison” “I let everyone else’s expectations control my choices” | “I’m suffocating under the weight of my responsibilities” “I resent the life I’ve built” “I feel powerless to change without blowing up my whole life” |
WORSHIP
Time to look at your connection to something bigger than yourself.
❓QUESTION 1: What is your relationship with a higher power?
Let’s examine the RELATION in your life.
The answer to this question will reveal how you connect with God or whatever higher power you believe in.
Surface answer: “I’m spiritual but not religious.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I pray when I’m desperate but ignore God when things are good” “I’m angry at God for unanswered prayers” “I pretend to be more spiritual than I am because it’s expected in my circle” | “I feel guilty for being a fair-weather believer” “I’m scared my doubts make me a bad person” “I’m tired of pretending” |
❓QUESTION 2: How much are you looking for and listening to answers?
Let’s examine the REVELATION in your life.
The answer to this question will reveal if you’re actually paying attention to spiritual guidance in your life.
Surface answer: “I meditate sometimes.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I’m too busy scrolling Instagram to listen for guidance” “I ask for signs but ignore them when I don’t like the answer” “I’m afraid of what I might hear if I actually get quiet” | “I’m overwhelmed by the noise in my head” “I feel disconnected from my intuition” “I’m ashamed of my spiritual laziness” |
❓QUESTION 3: How often do you write down what you learnings and insights?
Let’s examine the RECORDINGS in your life.
The answer to this question will reveal how well you track and remember your spiritual growth.
Surface answer: “I journal when I can.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I buy beautiful journals and never write in them” “I only document the good stuff, never the hard lessons” “I’m too afraid to write down my real thoughts” | “I feel like I’m losing valuable insights” “I’m annoyed at my lack of discipline” “I’m scared of leaving a paper trail of my thoughts” |
❓QUESTION 4: What is the reality of how much you follow through on promptings?
Let’s examine the RELABILITY of your life.
The answer to this question will reveal if you act on what your faith or gut tells you to do.
Surface answer: “I try my best to listen to my intuition.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I ignore my gut feelings until it’s too late” “I rationalize away every prompting that makes me uncomfortable” “I only follow through when it’s easy” | “I don’t trust myself anymore” “I feel like I’m constantly missing opportunities” “I’m frustrated by my lack of courage” |
ATHLETE
Let’s get real about your physical vessel.
❓QUESTION 1: How physically fit are you right now?
Let’s examine the FITNESS of your body.
The answer to this question will reveal how well your body can handle exercise and physical activity.
Surface answer: “I could be in better shape.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I get winded going up one flight of stairs” “I haven’t done any real exercise in 2 years” “I talk about getting fit but never follow through” | “I’m embarrassed by my lack of stamina” “I feel old before my time” “I’m angry at myself for letting it get this bad” |
❓QUESTION 2: What is your relationship with food like?
Let’s examine the FOOD in your life.
The answer to this question will reveal your eating patterns and how you feel about food.
Surface answer: “I’m trying to eat healthier.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I eat my feelings” “I use food as a reward and punishment system” “I know exactly what to do but can’t stop emotional eating” | “I feel out of control around food” “I’m tired of the guilt-binge cycle” “I resent how much mental space food occupies” |
❓QUESTION 3: How healthy are you right now?
Let’s examine the FUNCTION of your body.
The answer to this question will reveal how well your body is working and functioning overall.
Surface answer: “I’m generally healthy.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I ignore warning signs from my body” “I haven’t had a checkup in years” “I’m scared to know what’s really going on with my health” | “I feel like a time bomb” “I’m anxious about what I might discover” “I’m disappointed in my lack of self-care” |
❓QUESTION 4: What is the reality of how you look?
Let’s examine the FORM of your body.
The answer to this question will reveal how you feel about your physical appearance.
Surface answer: “I’m working on it.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I hate every photo of myself” “I avoid mirrors after 10am” “I don’t recognize myself anymore” | “I feel betrayed by my body” “I’m ashamed of letting myself go” “I’m scared I’ll never like what I see” |
KIN
Time for the truth about your relationships.
❓QUESTION 1: How is your relationship with your partner?
Let’s examine the PARTNER in your life.
The answer to this question will reveal how things are really going in your romantic relationship.
Surface answer: “We have our ups and downs.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I don’t have a partner but I wish I did” “I’m staying for the kids/mortgage/security” “I love them but I’m not in love with them” | “I feel trapped but too scared to leave” “I’m lonely even when we’re together” “I’m grieving what we used to have” |
❓QUESTION 2: What is the reality of your relationship with your children?
Let’s examine the PARENT you are in your life.
The answer to this question will reveal how well you’re doing in your role as a parent.
Surface answer: “I love my kids and try my best.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I resent how much they need from me” “I’m repeating patterns I swore I’d break” “I feel like I’m failing them daily” | “I’m overwhelmed by the responsibility” “I’m terrified of screwing them up” “I feel guilty for wanting more time alone” |
❓QUESTION 3: How are your relationships with your friends?
Let’s examine the PAL you are in your life.
The answer to this question will reveal how genuine and close your friendships really are.
Surface answer: “I have a good circle of friends.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “All my friendships are surface level” “I don’t have anyone I can really be myself with” “I’m too busy/tired/scared to maintain real friendships” | “I’m lonely but too exhausted to change it” “I miss having real connections” “I’m embarrassed by my social isolation” |
❓QUESTION 4: How do you treat people in general?
Let’s examine the PERSON you are in your life.
The answer to this question will reveal how you actually behave toward others in everyday life.
Surface answer: “I try to be kind to everyone.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I judge people instantly and harshly” “I’m nice to people’s faces but talk behind their backs” “I use people to get what I want” | “I’m ashamed of my two-faced behavior” “I feel superior and guilty about it” “I’m tired of maintaining my ‘nice’ facade” |
ENTERPRISE
Finally, let’s look at your impact on the world.
❓QUESTION 1: How do you feel about the value you’re providing in your workplace / business / home?
Let’s examine the INVENTORY you provide in your business / life.
The answer to this question will reveal if you believe your work truly helps other people.
Surface answer: “I provide value to my clients.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I’m selling something I don’t fully believe in” “My offers are safe but not transformative” “I copy what everyone else is doing” | “I feel like a fraud” “I’m playing small and I know it” “I’m bored with my own offerings” |
❓QUESTION 2: What are you doing to spread your value to people outside of yourself?
Let’s examine the INFLUENCE you provide in your business / life.
The answer to this question will reveal how you’re sharing your knowledge and skills with others.
Surface answer: “I provide value to my clients.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I post what I think will get likes, not what’s true” “I’m dancing for algorithms instead of serving people” “I’m scared to say what I really think” | “I feel like a performing monkey” “I’m exhausted by the constant pressure to post” “I’m ashamed of my need for validation” |
❓QUESTION 3: How do you feel about the money you’re bringing in right now?
Let’s examine the INCOME you provide in your business / life.
The answer to this question will reveal your true feelings about your income and financial situation.
Surface answer: “I’m making steady progress.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I make good money but I’m still terrified of poverty” “I’m addicted to the highs of launch income” “I’m living paycheck to paycheck on a six-figure salary” | “I feel like a failure despite my income” “I’m scared it could all disappear” “I’m embarrassed by my money management” |
❓QUESTION 4: How much of a difference do you feel you’re making in the world?
Let’s examine the IMPACT you’re having in your business / life.
The answer to this question will reveal if you believe you’re helping make the world a better place.
Surface answer: “I’m helping here and there.”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality |
| “I talk about impact but really just chase profits” “I help people but not at the level I know I could” “I’m playing way below my potential” | “I feel guilty for not doing more” “I’m frustrated by the gap between my vision and reality” “I’m scared of stepping into my full power” |
Look at these examples. Really look at them.
Notice how different they are from the sanitized versions you were planning to write?
That’s the level of honesty we’re after.
Because here’s the thing: You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge.
You can’t heal from what you won’t feel.
You can’t transform what you won’t face.
Now it’s your turn.
Get out your pen.
Start at the top.
Find a quiet space.
And tackle Steps 1 and 2:
- Audit your life as it currently is
- Determine how you feel about it
Once we do that, we can head to our final step: Determine what your life would need to look like for you to be happy.
Okay, Step 1 and Step 2.
Get after it.
Chapter 4: Nice vs. kind
By now, you’ve probably had one of three reactions to your audit:
- You’re feeling raw and exposed, like you just stripped naked in public
- You’re feeling defensive and tempted to sugar-coat your answers
- You’re feeling the urge to beat yourself up about everything you discovered
All of these are normal. None of them are helpful.
Because here’s what most people miss about self-examination: The goal isn’t to be nice to yourself. The goal is to be kind.
“Aren’t those the same thing?” you might be thinking.
Not even close.
Let me tell you a story from the Bible that perfectly illustrates this difference.
Jesus walks into the temple one day and sees people selling things, turning a sacred space into a marketplace. Now, the “nice” thing to do would have been to politely ask them to leave, or maybe just avoid confrontation altogether.
Instead, he flips their tables over and causes a scene.
Not very nice, right?
But it was incredibly kind. Because sometimes the kindest thing you can do is disrupt someone’s comfortable patterns when those patterns are causing harm.
This distinction between nice and kind isn’t just some semantic game. It’s the difference between perpetual stagnation and actual growth.
Let me break down why most of us default to nice:
- We’re culturally conditioned for it
From the time we’re kids, we’re taught to be “nice.” Nice means polite. Nice means non-confrontational. Nice means keeping the peace at all costs. - We’re addicted to instant comfort
Being nice gives us an immediate hit of relief. We avoid the discomfort of truth. We dodge the anxiety of confrontation. We get to stay in our cozy bubble of denial. - We confuse self-compassion with self-indulgence
Somewhere along the line, we bought into the idea that being kind to ourselves means letting ourselves off the hook. (Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.) - We’re terrified of our own potential
This is the big one that nobody talks about: Being nice to ourselves keeps us small. And sometimes, staying small feels safer than facing how powerful we could be.
Being nice to yourself looks like:
- “I’m doing the best I can”
- “Everyone struggles with this”
- “At least I’m better than I used to be”
- “It’s not that bad”
Being kind to yourself looks like:
- “This isn’t working and I need to face it”
- “I’m capable of better than this”
- “This pattern is hurting me and needs to change”
- “I refuse to settle for less than what I really want”
Nice is polite. Kind is helpful.
Nice avoids discomfort. Kind grows through it.
Nice maintains the status quo. Kind disrupts it for the better.
Here’s what that looks like in real life:
AWARENESS
Nice: “I’m just going through a phase of uncertainty.”
Kind: “I’ve been letting fear make my decisions and it stops now.”
The nice response lets you drift indefinitely.
The kind response demands action.
WORSHIP
Nice: “I’m spiritual in my own way.”
Kind: “I’ve been avoiding deep connection because I’m scared of what I might hear.”
The nice response keeps you superficial.
The kind response invites depth.
ATHLETE
Nice: “I could probably eat a bit healthier.”
Kind: “I’m treating my body like a garbage disposal and it deserves better.”
The nice response enables continued neglect.
The kind response requires responsibility.
KIN
Nice: “All relationships have their ups and downs.”
Kind: “I’m staying in a dead relationship because I’m afraid of being alone.”
The nice response perpetuates dysfunction.
The kind response forces growth.
ENTERPRISE
Nice: “I’m still finding my way in business.”
Kind: “I’m playing small because I’m afraid of real success.”
The nice response justifies mediocrity.
The kind response demands excellence.
This ‘Nice vs. kind’ pattern shows up everywhere once you start looking for it:
In Goal Setting:
Nice: “I’ll try to work out more.”
Kind: “I commit to three workouts a week because my health matters.”
In Time Management:
Nice: “I’ve been busy lately.”
Kind: “I’m choosing to waste time on social media instead of working on my dreams.”
In Money:
Nice: “I’ll start saving soon.”
Kind: “I’m sabotaging my financial future with impulsive spending.”
In Relationships:
Nice: “We’re just going through a rough patch.”
Kind: “I’m avoiding having the conversation that could either save or end this relationship.”
In Career:
Nice: “It’s not the right time to make a move.”
Kind: “I’m letting my fear of failure keep me in a job I’ve outgrown.”
Want to know if you’re being nice or kind to yourself? Here are the tell-tale signs:
You’re Being Nice When:
- You use words like “try,” “maybe,” or “someday”
- You compare yourself to others who are doing worse
- You focus on intentions rather than results
- You make excuses that sound like explanations
- You avoid looking at numbers or specifics
- You use phrases like “at least” or “it’s not that bad”
You’re Being Kind When:
- You use definitive language
- You compare yourself only to your potential
- You focus on results and impact
- You make observations without excuses
- You look at specific metrics and data
- You face the full reality of your situation
The shift from nice to kind isn’t comfortable. But neither is staying stuck in patterns that don’t serve you.
But remember that version of you that can accomplish everything you want? They didn’t get there by being nice to themselves. They got there by being kind enough to face reality and do something about it.
So, do a quick review of your audit answers to make sure you’re on the right track. Ask yourself:
Am I being nice or kind?
Am I sugar-coating or truth-telling?
Am I avoiding discomfort or growing through it?
If you find yourself writing nice answers instead of kind ones, go back and do it again.
Rip up those polite lies you’ve been telling yourself.
Flip over the tables of your comfortable excuses.
Create a scene in the temple of your own mediocrity.
Because being kind to yourself isn’t about making yourself feel good right now.
It’s about doing what future-you will thank you for.
And future-you isn’t interested in nice.
They’re interested in transformation.
So, be kind.
Your growth depends on it.
Chapter 5: Figure out what you want
In my opinion, you’ve already done the hardest part: you got honest and looked at things are the really are! Sometimes, that’s fun. Other times, it’s brutal.
But either way, it is essential.
So, congratulations.
Quick review:
- Step 1: Audit your life as it currently is
- Step 2: Determine how you feel about it
Now that you’ve done that, it’s time the final step:
- Step 3: Determine what your life would need to look like for you to be happy
I know that may feel very simple and rudimentary. But oftentimes, seeing what you don’t want is the only way you can get clear on what you do want. Or, said another way, seeing what makes you unhappy is the only way you can get clear on what would actually make you happy.
So, get the answers to your audit in front of you.
I like to do this one section at a time so let’s start with the AWARENESS Section.
You went through the following questions:
- Who are you?
- How do you feel about yourself right now?
- How hopeful are you about becoming the best version of yourself?
- How free or in control do you feel to become the best version of yourself?
You answered each with a real answer and how you feel about it.
Now, if you felt less than “happy” about any of those answers, I want you to continue on with Step 3 by answering, “What would your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy?”
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality | What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy |
| “I’m a chronic people-pleaser who’s terrified of confrontation” | “I’m exhausted from constantly managing everyone else’s emotions” | “I take care of my goals first before building any one else’s dream” |
Awesome.
Now, this might seem like we nailed it, but I’m going to push you a bit further.
Remember the first part of the question? “What does your life need to look like?”
I want your answer a bit more specific. Imagine you’re writing out a schedule for your life. What does “I take care of your goals first before building any one else’s dream” actually look like?
Maybe it’s, “I complete all of my daily goals before I go to work” or “I don’t agree to social outings or other requests before I’ve completing all my daily goals.” Ultimately, I want something you can measure.
So, the revised block looks like this:
| Real answers | How you feel about that reality | What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy |
| “I’m a chronic people-pleaser who’s terrified of confrontation” | “I’m exhausted from constantly managing everyone else’s emotions” | “I complete all of my daily goals before I go to work” |
And, there you have it — you figured out what you want when it comes to AWARENESS! If you completed all of your daily goals before you went to work, it would make you happy! So, pursue this. You’ve concluded that this is what you want!
Now, complete this for all of the other questions and then subsequent questions:
AWARENESS
| Section | Question | Real answer | How you feel about that | What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy |
| Foundation | Who are you? | “I’m a chronic people-pleaser who’s terrified of confrontation” | “I’m exhausted from constantly managing everyone else’s emotions” | “I complete all of my daily goals before I go to work” |
| Feelings | How do you feel about yourself right now? | “I hate looking in mirrors because I don’t recognize who I’ve become” | “I’m angry that I let myself get to this point” | “I spend 30 minutes each morning on self-care and look in the mirror with acceptance” |
| Future | How hopeful are you about becoming the best version of yourself? | “I’m scared it’s too late to change” | “I’m furious at myself for wasting so much time” | “I dedicate 2 hours every weekend to learning a new skill that moves me toward my dreams” |
| Freedom | How free or in control do you feel to become the best version of yourself? | “I’ve built a life that looks perfect but feels like a prison” | “I resent the life I’ve built” | “I evaluate one commitment I have each month and decide if it truly serves me” |
WORSHIP
| Section | Question | Real answer | How you feel about that | What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy |
| Relation | What is your relationship with a higher power? | “I pray when I’m desperate but ignore God when things are good” | “I feel guilty for being a fair-weather believer” | “I spend 15 minutes each morning in prayer or meditation, regardless of circumstances” |
| Revelation | How much are you looking for and listening to answers? | “I’m too busy scrolling Instagram to listen for guidance” | “I’m overwhelmed by the noise in my head” | “I have a strict no-phone policy for the first and last hour of each day” |
| Recordings | How often do you write down what you learnings and insights? | “I buy beautiful journals and never write in them” | “I feel like I’m losing valuable insights” | “I write three sentences in my journal every night before bed, no exceptions” |
| Reliability | What is the reality of how much you follow through on promptings? | “I rationalize away every prompting that makes me uncomfortable” | “I feel like I’m constantly missing opportunities” | “I act on one spiritual prompting each week, even if it makes me uncomfortable” |
ATHLETE
| Section | Question | Real answer | How you feel about that | What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy |
| Fitness | How physically fit are you right now? | “I get winded going up one flight of stairs” | “I’m embarrassed by my lack of stamina” | “I walk up and down stairs for 10 minutes each day, gradually increasing duration” |
| Food | What is your relationship with food like? | “I use food as a reward and punishment system” | “I’m tired of the guilt-binge cycle” | “I eat meals at set times and keep a food journal without judgment” |
| Function | How healthy are you right now? | “I’m scared to know what’s really going on with my health” | “I’m disappointed in my lack of self-care” | “I schedule and attend all recommended check-ups and screenings on time” |
| Form | What is the reality of how you look? | “I hate every photo of myself” | “I feel betrayed by my body” | “I take one full-body photo each month and find three things I appreciate” |
KIN
| Section | Question | Real answer | How you feel about that | What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy |
| Partner | How is your relationship with your partner? | “I love them but I’m not in love with them” | “I’m grieving what we used to have” | “I plan and execute one meaningful date night each week where phones are put away” |
| Parent | What is the reality of your relationship with your children? | “I’m repeating patterns I swore I’d break” | “I’m terrified of screwing them up” | “I spend 15 minutes of uninterrupted, child-led time with each kid daily” |
| Pal | How are your relationships with your friends? | “I’m too busy/tired/scared to maintain real friendships” | “I’m lonely but too exhausted to change it” | “I schedule one friend meet-up every two weeks, even if I’m tired” |
| Person | How do you treat people in general? | “I judge people instantly and harshly” | “I’m ashamed of my two-faced behavior” | “I write down one positive observation about each person I interact with daily” |
ENTERPRISE
| Section | Question | Real answer | How you feel about that | What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy |
| Inventory | How do you feel about the value you’re providing in your workplace / business / home? | “I’m selling something I don’t fully believe in” | “I feel like a fraud” | “I only sell products/services that I would enthusiastically recommend to my family” |
| Influence | What are you doing to spread your value to people outside of yourself? | “I post what I think will get likes, not what’s true” | “I feel like a performing monkey” | “I share one genuine, personal learning experience each week, regardless of likes” |
| Income | How do you feel about the money you’re bringing in right now? | “I’m living paycheck to paycheck on a six-figure salary” | “I’m embarrassed by my money management” | “I follow a strict budget with 20% of income automatically going to savings” |
| Impact | How much of a difference do you feel you’re making in the world? | “I help people but not at the level I know I could” | “I’m frustrated by the gap between my vision and reality” | “I dedicate 5 hours each week to my highest-impact activities, no exceptions” |
Now that you’ve done this, re-evaluate what you wrote.
Remember, the prompt was, “What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy?” Therefore, take the Impact Row right about.
In answer to the question, “How much of a difference do you feel you’re making in the world?” you responded that you would be happy if you “Dedicate 5 hours each week to [your] highest-impact activities, no exceptions.”
If that does, in fact, make you happy then Wahoo!, you nailed it.
If, upon review, dedicating 5 hours each week to your highest-impact activities does not instill happiness, then you haven’t quite landed on what you want.
So, revisit it!
Once you’re confident that all the activities in the right column would in fact make you happy, then — my friend — a huge congratulations is in order: you figured out what you want!
Chapter 6: Game plan city
Now that you figured out what you want, it’s time to get it!
There are a few rules to acquiring what you want:
- You can’t get everything all at once
- You can’t skip steps
Let’s go through each one.
You can’t get everything all at once
That doesn’t mean you can’t get everything. You just can’t get it all at once!
So, going back to your previous audit work, you identified 4 things that you want in each of the five A-W-A-K-E categories. For example, in the AWARENESS Section, you identified these 4 things that you want:
| Section | What does your life need to look like IN THIS PARTICULAR AREA for you to be happy |
| Foundation | “I complete all of my daily goals before I go to work” |
| Feelings | “I spend 30 minutes each morning on self-care and look in the mirror with acceptance” |
| Future | “I dedicate 2 hours every weekend to learning a new skill that moves me toward my dreams” |
| Freedom | “I evaluate one commitment I have each month and decide if it truly serves me” |
You can have all 4. But, just not at once.
So, we simply need to decide which one we’re going to tackle first.
There are two ways to decide:
- Preference
- Efficiency
Preference is when you simply decide what will make you most happy — the thing you most want.
Or, you can favor Efficiency, meaning that you choose that one that will have the most impact on your life and /or you capacity to get the other things you want. Some people call this, “Knocking down the biggest domino.” So, you might consider, “Which of these goals, if mastered first, would help me achieve the others more quickly?”
For me, in looking at the four listed above, the first one seems to be the most impactful: “I complete all of my daily goals before I go to work”
If you could figure out how to carve hours into your day before work to complete all of your goals, then everything else you set to accomplish would actually have dedicated time set aside to do them!
Regardless of what you do, choose ONE thing you’re going after in each section.
- 1 thing you want in the AWARENESS category
- 1 thing you want in the WORSHIP category
- 1 thing you want in the ATHLETE category
- 1 thing you want in the KIN category
- 1 thing you want in the ENTERPRISE category
Once you’ve determined that, I like to place them on top of each column in the AWAKE Matrix.
Break it down
Now that you have you end goal, let’s break down what they all might look like at each of the Five Steps To Alive. By seeing what the end goal looks at different stages, you can identify what progress looks like. This helps you to not only continue on but to not be derailed when things aren’t “perfect.”
Remember, you can’t skip stages. That doesn’t mean you can’t breeze through the stages quickly, but you must go from ASLEEP to ALIVE, in that order.
Breaking down what each goal looks like at each of those Stages helps us to progress through them.
Let’s take the AWARNESS end goal: “I complete all of my daily goals before I go to work.”
What might that look broken down in each of the 5 stages?
Remember:
STAGE 1
Stage 1 is when you’re ASLEEP.
This is unconscious incompetence. You don’t even know what you don’t know.
For the AWARENESS GOAL, this looks like not realizing your mornings are unproductive or chaotic.
STAGE 2
Stage 2 is when you’re AWARE.
This is conscious incompetence.
You can see what you want but haven’t moved toward it yet.
For the AWARENESS GOAL, this looks like realizing your mornings are rushed and frustrated that you’re not meeting daily goals before work.
STAGE 3
Stage 3 is when you’re ACTIVE.
This is conscious competence.
You’re actively moving toward getting what you want.
For the AWARENESS GOAL, this looks following a morning routine, even though it requires a large amount of effort and focus.
STAGE 4
Stage 4 is when you’re ABLAZE.
This is expanded competence.
You’re starting to achieve / acquire what you want.
For the AWARENESS GOAL, this looks like seeing success come from your morning routine.
STAGE 5
Stage 5 is when you’re ALIVE.
This is unconscious excellence.
You’ve not only achieved what you want but you’ve experienced lasting change; this area of your life is locked in and automatic.
For the AWARENESS GOAL, this looks like completing your daily goals effortlessly.
Now that you have this mapped out, continue to do this for each of the five A-W-A-K-E sections.
Chapter 7: Label your starting points
Now that you know what you want and what it looks like to get it, it’s important to identify your starting points for each of your five goals.
At the least, you’re AWARE for each one though there may be some you’ve already started to make progress on. Mark them accordingly.
Because once you know your starting point, you know where to go next.
By breaking the goal down into the Five Stages of Alive, you don’t have to go from 0 to 100. Instead, you just need to focus on the next stage.
For example, if you’re moving from AWARE to ACTIVE in the Awareness category that means that you need to go from “Noticing chaotic mornings” to “Struggling through a morning routine.” The reality is that when you start anything new — and especially a morning routine — it is going to struggle.
So, when you hear that alarm go off and it is a grind, you can think, “Nice, I’m right on track. I’m supposed to be struggling with this.” If you didn’t have this mentality and were trying to jump straight into ALIVE or “Having an automatic morning routine,” you would feel so daunted, and dare I say, tempted to give up.
But, when you allow yourself the space to progress through the Five Stages, you give yourself the mental fortutitude to continue on until your goals actually do become automatic.
To continue our example, after struggling for a while through your morning routine at the ACTIVE Stage, you then start looking for, “Am I having success from my morning routine?” Is your mental health better, are you noticing changes in your physical appearance, are you feeling more at peace with yourself and others around you? If so, you’ve moved into the ABLAZE category.
From there, the aim is to continue your efforts so that the successes make the “struggle” a non-factor. Sure, it’s tricky to get up in the morning but you know of the success it brings so you do it anyway. It’s as if it’s automatic and just like that, you find yourself in the ALIVE Stage.
So, identify where you’re at in each of the five A-W-A-K-E areas and determine what Stage your pursuing in each one.
Now, before we move on…
Every goal requires both strategy AND belief.
You can’t just learn the tactics. You can’t just do the inner work. You need both.
I learned this the hard way.
When I first started with my funnel design business, I thought I just needed to learn design. Then I found out that Stanford research shows people judge a website’s credibility in 0.05 seconds.
I got excited because I thought I’d found the answer. “Oh, I just need to get good at design!”
So, I got good at design.
I thought having that would help me be successful.
But, I had a crippling low level of belief in myself.
(This is why the unsexy work we’ve done so far matters so much. This is why knowing where you are and where you’re going is crucial.)
Because without that foundation of belief, all the “how” in the world won’t help you.
So, I had to “borrow” other people’s belief until I had my own.
I learned this from a former business coach.
For years, I watched her believe in people with absolute certainty – even when there was no evidence they could succeed. Even when all logic said they would fail.
I couldn’t figure out how she did it. Until I realized that she could believe in others with certainty because she believed in herself with certainty.
When you truly believe in yourself, it creates a surplus. And from that surplus, you can pour belief into others.
That’s what I want for you. Not just to learn the “how.” But to believe in yourself so completely that success becomes inevitable.
So, if you’re lacking int he belief category, know that I believe in you. Not in some generic, motivational-poster way. But with complete certainty.
Why? Because I’ve walked these paths. I’m still walking them — with new goals I’ve set for now! I’ve done it, I’ve seen so many others do it, and I know that you can do it, too.
Not through magic. Not through luck. But through this exact process of breaking down your goals like we’ve done here. And simply getting after it.
The path forward isn’t easy, but it is simple.
And remember: Wherever you’re starting from, I believe in you.
Chapter 8: Get what you want
Remember when we started with that terrifying question?
“What do you want?”
Feels different now, doesn’t it?
Because now you know:
- Where you actually are
- Where you want to go
- The path that will get you there
But more importantly, you’ve learned something most people never figure out:
The question isn’t actually terrifying.
What’s terrifying is avoiding it.
Because every day you don’t answer that question honestly is another day you’re choosing to live beneath your standards.
Every day you stay “nice” instead of being kind to yourself is another day you’re choosing comfort over growth.
Every day you perform instead of showing up authentically is another day you’re choosing the appearance of success over actual transformation.
But that’s not you anymore.
You’ve done the unsexy work.
You’ve faced the uncomfortable truths.
You’ve chosen your path forward.
And here’s what makes you different from most people who read books like this:
You know it’s not about the frameworks.
It’s not about the stages.
It’s not even about the goals.
It’s about becoming the person who can claim those awards you’ve set for yourself.
The AWAKE framework? That’s just a mirror to show you where you’re still sleeping.
The Five Stages? They’re just different doors to the same destination – your truest self.
But here’s where most people will mess this up:
They’ll close this “mini book” and jump straight into doing.
They skip the audit. And they skip getting clear on what they want.
Interestingly enough, that the most comfortable route. But, it doesn’t last.
So, don’t be most people.
Instead:
- Do your audit
- Set what you want
- Break it down
That version of you that can accomplish everything you want?
They’re not waiting at the finish line.
They’re built in the daily decisions to:
- Choose truth over comfort
- Choose growth over performance
- Choose becoming over pretending
And you know what?
I actually believe you’ll do this.
Not because you’ve read this book.
Not because you’ve done the exercises.
Not even because you want it badly enough.
But because you now know something most people never learn:
The gap between where you are and where you want to be isn’t filled with tactics, strategies, or even hard work.
It’s filled with tiny, daily decisions to “become.”
And once you understand that – I mean really understand it – success isn’t just possible.
It’s inevitable.
The question we started with?
It’s not terrifying anymore.
It’s exciting.
And your answer isn’t just a dream anymore.
It’s a roadmap.
The only thing left is to start walking.
Let’s get those steps in.
